Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
