He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
