The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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