whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
