i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
