mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
