So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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