Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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