Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
