Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
