I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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