You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize