you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
