3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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