You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
