Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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