best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
