just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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