I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
