Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
