My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
