dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
