at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
