dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
