i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
