Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
