I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
