I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
