My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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