Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bring me that man meat
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
