so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
