Porn is love you can see.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
