just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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