I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
