I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
