So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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