My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
