Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
