Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
