i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
