Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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