dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
