I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
