Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
