I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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