its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
