i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
