I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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