seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
