Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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