grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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