By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
