whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
