ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize