The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm getting married
To pizza
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
