actually, I'm a sock model
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
