the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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