my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
