I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
