Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
