Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
