absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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