So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
