Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
