I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
