we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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