My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
