I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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