Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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