Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
