Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
