wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
