ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
