I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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