I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
