I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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