I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
