Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A bitchslap is in order.
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