Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
