You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
