I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
