I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
