so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why is there bacon in the couch?
try to milk me bitch
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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