Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
