i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
