awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
