had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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