Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
