omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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