Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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