I'm really into asian looking animals
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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