Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
