Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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