I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
