Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
