in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Randomize
