The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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