Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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