someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
