It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize