remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
