....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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