Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
