I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
